In my last article, part one of “Three Friends for the Journey,” I reintroduced three friends: Intentionality, Perspective, and Surrender, whose states of being make them archetypes for the journey of change many are on right now. Each possesses a quality that is essential as we navigate uncertainty and move toward a life that is more in line with what makes us feel purposeful, and dare I say, even joyful. Last month, we met Intentionality. Today, I’d like you to meet Perspective.
Perspective doesn’t change the facts of a situation. She changes the vantage point from which we view it. She’s the friend who climbs to higher ground and asks us to look again at our circumstances and at ourselves, with fresh eyes. Things are rarely as we expect when viewed from a different angle.
Recently I caught up with a colleague who has been navigating challenges in his personal life as well as in his role at work. He had just learned about a restructuring in his department that forced a choice: stay, where he had been unhappy for some time, or go and look for the right fit elsewhere. He chose to leave. At the start of our conversation, he said, “It’s terrible timing,” referencing his personal situation, “yet it’s the right choice.” Later in the conversation, he said, “This couldn’t be better timing. I’ll be able to put energy into the areas of my life that need focus now, without the pressure of this job.” When I pointed out the contrast between his two statements, a smile spread across his face. Perspective had shone a light that widened the view.
I don’t know about your experience, but these types of changes have touched many clients and colleagues in my circle this year. Three weeks ago, I met with a client whose state of mind was one I would call despair, or close to it. Most senior leaders have at least some input into the changes that affect them; she had none. She felt blindsided by a shift in both her role and her leader. She described dreading work, interrupted sleep, and friction at home. Sometimes, these experiences move us through the stages of grief. We experience anger, depression, denial, and bargaining before we can arrive at acceptance, and as grief specialist David Kessler writes, we can eventually find meaning. This allows us to answer the question “What do I do now that the thing has happened and can’t be undone?”
I spoke with this client again last week. She was a different person. She told me about an afternoon outdoors on a beautiful day and how it left her feeling grateful for the life she has. “I realized that I have a life to live right in front of me,” she said. “The things I worried about in my 30s and 40s don’t even matter today. My job isn’t me; it’s what I do. Perspective and wisdom are important parts of being a senior leader.” She even went on to talk about some genuinely good things in her new role.
What changed? What reminded her that she still has agency, and that the ability to control her response to circumstances is itself a powerful leadership capability?
My answer is our friend Perspective. The perspective of gratitude vs. resentment toward an aspect of one’s life. The perspective of responsibility vs. victimhood. The perspective that changes the moment our eyes come open.
My colleague, Al Viller, a corporate communication expert, writes about this dynamic in his article, “See It or Shape It? How Perspective Elevates Communication.” He describes the process, backed by brain science, as a movement from perception, a gut-level response, to perspective, a zoomed-out view.
Sometimes there is a right answer to life’s decisions, the way there’s a right answer to the photo above. And sometimes, each perspective is simply a choice, any of which could lead to positive benefits or negative consequences.
Next month, I’ll introduce our third friend, Surrender, who will offer something that looks at first like giving up, and isn’t. Until then, I leave you with this question:
How else might I view this situation, and what responses are available to me right now?
